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The Dustin "Screech" Diamond sex tape is, at this very moment, landing on websites and on DVDs in video stores near you. Really and truly. You can, if you are so minded, watch the antics of Screech, two women, a wedding veil, strange and wondrous condoms and a couple of dildos. (No, no, not THERE. There's just so much that one can deal with, after all.)
The good news is, if your curiosity gets the better of your common sense, it's only half an hour long and it will only make you want to burn out one of your retinas. Or half of each one, depending on whether you'd rather have one good eye or two half-good eyes. (You don't actually see naked Screech, you'll be thrilled to know. Half-naked, yes. Fully, no. And for all that he's not really a bad looking guy, he just looks awful with a beard.) Other than that, it's not the worst experience in the world.
You should, however, resist the urge to drive spikes into your ears that occurs within the first 2 minutes. (No, he doesn't use the Screech voice. It's just ... OK, look: if you can get through the first two, three minutes without thinking, "Oh, dear gawd, will you all PLEASE SHUT UP BEFORE YOU BREAK MY MIND! BLOOD IS GOING TO START SPOUTING FROM MY EARS! DEAR GAWD, SHUT UP!", then you're better men and women then I am, Gunga Din. Perhaps I'm just the teensiest bit sensitive. I don't know.)
And for those who are concerned with this sort of thing, little Screech is perfectly presentable in polite company, as these things go.
Now, if you don't mind, I have to go and wash and purge my mind.
The good news is, if your curiosity gets the better of your common sense, it's only half an hour long and it will only make you want to burn out one of your retinas. Or half of each one, depending on whether you'd rather have one good eye or two half-good eyes. (You don't actually see naked Screech, you'll be thrilled to know. Half-naked, yes. Fully, no. And for all that he's not really a bad looking guy, he just looks awful with a beard.) Other than that, it's not the worst experience in the world.
You should, however, resist the urge to drive spikes into your ears that occurs within the first 2 minutes. (No, he doesn't use the Screech voice. It's just ... OK, look: if you can get through the first two, three minutes without thinking, "Oh, dear gawd, will you all PLEASE SHUT UP BEFORE YOU BREAK MY MIND! BLOOD IS GOING TO START SPOUTING FROM MY EARS! DEAR GAWD, SHUT UP!", then you're better men and women then I am, Gunga Din. Perhaps I'm just the teensiest bit sensitive. I don't know.)
And for those who are concerned with this sort of thing, little Screech is perfectly presentable in polite company, as these things go.
Now, if you don't mind, I have to go and wash and purge my mind.